Brutally Honest

As I approached another year of life, as when I thought I was living the life of my dreams and my life’s purpose… It is when I felt that morning, that the world stopped all together, my heart was racing, my emotions were perplexed, not a single noise from outside, just me and my thoughts.

What was that? What was it that I was feeling? Questions arose, moments went by and I just felt this deep pain.

Believe it or not, the more  prone we are to awakening, the more we face contrast. As the human beings that we are; I was questioning. Why is it happening now? I froze into one second that felt like an eternity. I felt every beat of my heart; one by one, and once in a while a punch right in the middle…  My heart was trying to get my attention, I felt overwhelmed, all of a sudden my soul was tired, tired as it was catching up to speed.

All those great things of success were happening and I felt accomplished, and it kept me wanting to give more of myself…  But I was forgetting one thing, I was forgetting about me, I forgot to stop & appreciate everything I have around me. I really thought I was… but honestly I was doing too much that I burnt myself out.

I want to be all these great things, but it can’t be accomplished if we aren’t willing to stop and pause… You might have seen me posting quotes about taking care of yourself, about pause, about appreciation, and the reason why? It is because my world was shaken. I needed to pause to reevaluate my life,  pause to appreciate once again the beauty we have for home, our planet earth, pause to pay attention to my body, my feelings, I can’t promote self-love, when I was forgetting once again how to spend time just with me, just for me.

Nothing on this earth is granted, not even a day. One day we are jumping of joy, and another day we feel lost, You don’t know which emotions you are feeling at the moment, if it is your emotions or the emotions of people you know. You feel for a second that you are all one with the entire humanity.

Sometimes we are so uptight  that we forget the sweet, loving and fun person we can be, we pretend at times to have everything together because we care for others, but we can’t have everything together if the most important person (us) isn’t harmoniously  in the middle of all of it but underneath carrying it all. How can you be a leader if you are in disharmony with yourself? Self-care is important to find the harmony within you, and not the self care of a massage, or hair cuts etc… It is about the inner self, to find out first thing in the morning how you are doing,  before asking someone else; how they are doing, keeping yourself in check, asking how do you feel?, what you would like? Saying something nice to yourself. That type of self care I am talking about. So that way we can find it easier to know how to handle those kinds of difficulties with conviction.

Now, I know why all these thing are happening. Our bodies have a great way to help us discover what we need to fix in ourselves, which area needs attention. … it might sound obvious, but as myself,  a lot of people are feeling that way, as if we need to keep busy so we don’t feel our emotions, so we don’t hear our minds, and then we don’t realize that we have lost ourselves.

My body was forcing me to stop, to meet myself again, to have a conversation, to quiet my mind, not thinking, just letting it flow.  Self-care is the most important act of love that we can give to us, appreciation is the one we can give to the rest and honesty is the most important tool we can give to humanity.

© Johanna Pupiales


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